Today's the 1st day of Mongolian Lunar New Year. I had some minor fights with my BF yesterday. Before that I cleaned my cold but my very own and dear apartmemt so thoroughly. Exhausted doing everything. Which is not my habit at all.
In the morning, I went to greet the elders of BF's family: his aunt and oldest sista. Got some presents. Well nothing much to write. Writing is exhausting. Smoking a lot. Too much stress.
Monday, 11 February 2013
Sunday, 2 December 2012
Life is going on
I suddenly realized December has come. In my previous posts I said I'd keep writing my diary on daily basis. Unfortunately I couldn't couldn't keep my promise. How unforgiving!!!
Winter has come here. My days as being spent without any changes. Everyday same thing; same life, same environment. Still feel lonely. BF is still drinking almost everyday. Thank heaven he doesn't beat me. In fact I'm the one who beats, slaps and kicks him. He doesn't even raise his hands when I beat him. A realllyy good fella. Intelligent and smart and a real gentleman. Sounds like to love him ain't I? Only if I can make him stop drinking. He's now on leave for 2 weeks, and I have every reason to suspect he's gonna drink again today and days to come. He called me and said some friend of his was unconscious in hospital; but he passed away today.
Colleagues are not up to my standards except one or two. I mean the local staff. How come they always hire the dumbest ones. Young and careless. Cannot even write properly and accurately in their own mother tongue.
I admire some bloggers. They compose so nicely. Where on earth do they have such beautiful imaginations?
I suddenly realized December has come. In my previous posts I said I'd keep writing my diary on daily basis. Unfortunately I couldn't couldn't keep my promise. How unforgiving!!!
Winter has come here. My days as being spent without any changes. Everyday same thing; same life, same environment. Still feel lonely. BF is still drinking almost everyday. Thank heaven he doesn't beat me. In fact I'm the one who beats, slaps and kicks him. He doesn't even raise his hands when I beat him. A realllyy good fella. Intelligent and smart and a real gentleman. Sounds like to love him ain't I? Only if I can make him stop drinking. He's now on leave for 2 weeks, and I have every reason to suspect he's gonna drink again today and days to come. He called me and said some friend of his was unconscious in hospital; but he passed away today.
Colleagues are not up to my standards except one or two. I mean the local staff. How come they always hire the dumbest ones. Young and careless. Cannot even write properly and accurately in their own mother tongue.
I admire some bloggers. They compose so nicely. Where on earth do they have such beautiful imaginations?
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Another boring day-29-Jul-12
My days've been really boring for the last few years.
Today I tried to improve my memory and played an on-line free brain game. Really couldn't do it above the level V. How come my memory is so bad?! Unbelievable.
BF went early in the morning, took his boss's family around the city, came back in the evening, ate the dinner and is now sleeping in the sofa.
Forgot to say that my sister came to my place with her lovely boy. She went to the south and the boy is with us. He is such a cutie. Love him dearly. But sometimes he irritates me little bit.
Today's Sunday. I ironed my stuff. Cos' tomorrow's Monday. Somehow to prepare for the works.
Bye.
My days've been really boring for the last few years.
Today I tried to improve my memory and played an on-line free brain game. Really couldn't do it above the level V. How come my memory is so bad?! Unbelievable.
BF went early in the morning, took his boss's family around the city, came back in the evening, ate the dinner and is now sleeping in the sofa.
Forgot to say that my sister came to my place with her lovely boy. She went to the south and the boy is with us. He is such a cutie. Love him dearly. But sometimes he irritates me little bit.
Today's Sunday. I ironed my stuff. Cos' tomorrow's Monday. Somehow to prepare for the works.
Bye.
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Why this Blog?
I've recenty come back from Japan to my native country. The years in Japan were really stressful and I always felt so lonely without any friends to chat about things. I hoped this would be over once I'm back to my roots; alas, it wasn't so. I'm still not able to make friends, communicate with people and lack the strenght to show others how capable and intelligent I am. Everybody praises me for my intelligence even though I never agree with them. Since others say so, probably there is something in me. Who knows?
Recently, about 2 weeks ago I got a job, the first in 6 years. I hoped everything's gonna be fun. Again, my expectations failed. I'm still so lonely and wrenched in stress. How awful!!!
I'm not able to do the tasks properly because of my very deteriorated memory. This, I guess, is due to my inability to socialize and the wish to be alone for so long. The job I got is related to translation/interpretation. Good memory is primary in interpetation particularly. I was so desperate even though some people I know assured me that this will be over as soon as I am familiar with the things taking place around me. However, I'm not sure if things really would get better with the time. So I searched the web for possible cures for my bad memory. As expected there were so many advices on the matter. One of them was to start a diary; and that's why I'm working on this.
Frankly speaking, I am too much stressed due to various unpleasant events in my life including the ones I've listed down here:
1. My boyfreind cheated on me. I never ever expected such a behaviour from him. Unfortunately, I am a very forgiving type, and he's still with me. Poor me! I really feel sorry for myself. Why I'm not decisive? Even though I let him in, I still reserve doubts about his honesty. It is not related to any rumours. It is factual. I caught him myself with the woman. At first I wanted to kick him out and didn't answer his calls for 3 days. Worth mentioning that he didn't show up for 3 days also. Then he called me on the 4th day, I suggested to meet elsewhere to decide the things between. So we met in a pub; he told me everything (I hope Iwasn't fooled by this!!) including that he wasn't the one who started the affair and complained that he was so lonely when he got back to M (I forgot to say that he left Japan 6 months prior to my departure). I forced him to call the woman and she came. He said in her precense that he never loved her and told her that he'd never leave me. How uncruel?! In fact, I sensed changes in him soon after I got in my country. He was so distant from me; tried to avoid my touches; drank more than the usual; and surpirsingly, he never bothered to come home in the evenings (considering the fact that he never spent a night out when he's drank!). I guess he was with that woman. Well, no more wish to write about this. The only point I wanna make here is this was soooo stressful to me.
2. I smoke a lot. Heard it's not good for my brain. I forgot to mention that while in Japan I underwent a brain tumor removal surgery. The surgery was fine; the chemotheraphy and radiation treatment following the surgery was the hardest. Now I sometimes think that i'd rather die than to go through such nasty treatments in case of the tumor's recurrence. Not really a good thought isn't it? The surgery took place exactly 6 years ago and I completely quit smoking right after the surgery. I survived almost 6 years without smoking. But, when my boyfriend had to go back to M due to his employment agreement, I started again to smoke. This time the frequency to smoke has almost tripled. I now easily finish a pack of sigarette in 1.5 day. How awful! I always try to quit, but no success. If I quit smoking than my memory would gradually improve.
Well, since I started a diary, I'll keep writing on a regular basis; probably on a daily basis.
P.S. I used to write a diary in my high school years. Later, I tore and burned it. I always regret that I should not have destroyed it. It would have been nice to read it once again so that the happy memories of my childhood days once again illuminate my life.
Recently, about 2 weeks ago I got a job, the first in 6 years. I hoped everything's gonna be fun. Again, my expectations failed. I'm still so lonely and wrenched in stress. How awful!!!
I'm not able to do the tasks properly because of my very deteriorated memory. This, I guess, is due to my inability to socialize and the wish to be alone for so long. The job I got is related to translation/interpretation. Good memory is primary in interpetation particularly. I was so desperate even though some people I know assured me that this will be over as soon as I am familiar with the things taking place around me. However, I'm not sure if things really would get better with the time. So I searched the web for possible cures for my bad memory. As expected there were so many advices on the matter. One of them was to start a diary; and that's why I'm working on this.
Frankly speaking, I am too much stressed due to various unpleasant events in my life including the ones I've listed down here:
1. My boyfreind cheated on me. I never ever expected such a behaviour from him. Unfortunately, I am a very forgiving type, and he's still with me. Poor me! I really feel sorry for myself. Why I'm not decisive? Even though I let him in, I still reserve doubts about his honesty. It is not related to any rumours. It is factual. I caught him myself with the woman. At first I wanted to kick him out and didn't answer his calls for 3 days. Worth mentioning that he didn't show up for 3 days also. Then he called me on the 4th day, I suggested to meet elsewhere to decide the things between. So we met in a pub; he told me everything (I hope Iwasn't fooled by this!!) including that he wasn't the one who started the affair and complained that he was so lonely when he got back to M (I forgot to say that he left Japan 6 months prior to my departure). I forced him to call the woman and she came. He said in her precense that he never loved her and told her that he'd never leave me. How uncruel?! In fact, I sensed changes in him soon after I got in my country. He was so distant from me; tried to avoid my touches; drank more than the usual; and surpirsingly, he never bothered to come home in the evenings (considering the fact that he never spent a night out when he's drank!). I guess he was with that woman. Well, no more wish to write about this. The only point I wanna make here is this was soooo stressful to me.
2. I smoke a lot. Heard it's not good for my brain. I forgot to mention that while in Japan I underwent a brain tumor removal surgery. The surgery was fine; the chemotheraphy and radiation treatment following the surgery was the hardest. Now I sometimes think that i'd rather die than to go through such nasty treatments in case of the tumor's recurrence. Not really a good thought isn't it? The surgery took place exactly 6 years ago and I completely quit smoking right after the surgery. I survived almost 6 years without smoking. But, when my boyfriend had to go back to M due to his employment agreement, I started again to smoke. This time the frequency to smoke has almost tripled. I now easily finish a pack of sigarette in 1.5 day. How awful! I always try to quit, but no success. If I quit smoking than my memory would gradually improve.
Well, since I started a diary, I'll keep writing on a regular basis; probably on a daily basis.
P.S. I used to write a diary in my high school years. Later, I tore and burned it. I always regret that I should not have destroyed it. It would have been nice to read it once again so that the happy memories of my childhood days once again illuminate my life.
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